Breathe Me
by KeiraOflaa
Summary: Edward seems to be the perfect guy at Forks High, but no one gets to know him like Bella, who has just moved to Forks after her Mom dies. They forge a deep, emotional connection. Better than it sounds. Give it a chance please! Canon pairings, AU, AH
1. Introduction

_Ok guys, this is my first fanfic on this board and definitely my first fanfic of Twilight-I am so so nervous I haven't written one in years!! I actually forget how to write?:P_

_Anyway this is just a teaser, I really want to get inside the head of both Edward/Bella and really make you feel, as silly as it sounds._

_Please review and tell me if you think I should continue??_

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**BPOV.**

I really had no qualms visiting Edward at such a late hour, and was pleasantly surprised when he had called me. Actually pleasantly surprised isn't even the term I'd use. I was so elated it wasn't even funny. But still surprised...Edward and I had a connection. There was no doubt about that, but was it deep enough that we could just let go of our inhibitions and be as honest and needy as we needed to be? I knew he was the 'suffer in silence' type, pretty much me in male form, and due to our lack of expressiveness when it came to others; I think we found something in one another. I had no idea what it was, I kind of thought of it as.._ourselves_, like we just saw ourselves in the other person. We gave, we took, we shared, divided, conquered. The system was flawless....reaching new heights so it seemed. Everyday gradually we became bolder in our quest to have someone to talk to. Tonight was the night in which Edward called me at 2.00 am, he knew I'd be up and I of course felt that there was something strangely romantic in crossing the streets in a dark night, under the bright moon to someone so utterly perfect.

I climbed out of my bedroom window without much effort, wearing a thick sweater over my pyjamas, shielding me from all of tonight's elements. My wavy chocolate brown hair hung in a messy bun and my feet were shoved hurriedly into a pair of trainers. I searched for some simple way to get down, and luckily found a tree to my right with expertly placed branches.

_Meant to be,_ _I grinned wickedly._

Taking care, I made my way over and cautiously placed my leg on a branch, holding on to the trunk for dear life. I was so desperately careful because, knowing my luck, any wrong movement or footing could send me plunging to my death. I made my way down with few errors thank god and jumped from the last branch as quietly as I could. I landed with a quiet _thud_and fell a little onto my knees. At this point all I could do was roll my eyes at my predictable clumsiness.

I picked myself up, and almost immediately began running. The night was so still; and the calm surrounding me combined with my innate excitement just exhilarated me. I passed numerous streets and ducked in and out of alleyways being careful to avoid anything that didn't appear to be kosher. After what seemed like forever running, I eventually made my way to the Cullen house. Sprinting up the drive I spotted a low, dim light that was peeking out from Edwards bedroom window.

I took out my cell phone and texted him.

_I'm here._

After a few quick moments passing, the rumble of a key in a lock, turning awakened the dead night.

There he stood; in the doorway. In a plain white t shirt, grey sweats and _that hair_. The perfectly sculptured disarray of reddish bronze strands that stood on end actually glistened in the moonlight, which somehow-don't ask me how, reached him even under the shade. He held the door open wider and casually leaned against the frame. The silvery glow reached his god-like face; a Greek statue if I ever saw one, all angles and planes. Perfectly formed and defined in every way imaginable. Even his dark eyebrows seemed to have a definite shape to them, unlike any other males.

_And his eyes..._what could I possibly say about them? They were slightly hooded, darkened, with an inner glow in the most fantastic colour I've ever seen. A piercing emerald green. They actually stilled you and spoke to you-well to me anyway. And half the population at Forks High so it seemed...

His lips curled into a crooked half smile as he ran his hands through that tangled mess atop his head, revealing the toned and muscled arms that belonged to him. His t-shirt hitched up a little and I saw only part of his defined abs and a certain trail of darkness that delved below his sweats. The thought made my mouth go dry.

'Are you coming in?' He questioned me, still with that smile.

My eyes shot back up to his face. How could I say no?

'Of course,' I blushed slightly at the realisation that my mouth was slightly agape. I skipped forward slightly and as I reached the doorway, Edward stepped back-ever the gentleman, he held the door open for me and let me in.

_Well, what do you think??_


	2. A whole new world

Ok ok so I've gotten pretty ahead of myself to be honest, I should probably explain how exactly _he_ and I came to meet. In the most tame, normal, yet bizarre of occurences, this is how it all happened.

(flashback)

Oh God.

I seriously didn't know where to go, holding my lunch tray which comprised of a red apple, lemonade and some fries, I didn't have a clue where exactly I fit in the grand scheme of things at Forks High. I looked around the cafeteria, and everyone just seemed to have these cliques, I tried to duck my head a little and not be so noticeable in my obvious discomfort; but I knew I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I had made more of an effort than usual with my appearance that morning; I curled my wavy brown locks a little and placed a pretty butterfly hairband on my crown. After trying on at least three tops, I huffed and sighed until my decision rested on a deep navy blue v-neck shirt and dark, tight-fitting jeans. For someone who wasn't into fashion, my nervousness today just changed all that. Looking in the mirror then, I stared at my reflection; my doe shaped, chocolate eyes. My blemish-free, pale complexion, and my shapely lips.

Was I ugly?

No.

Was I pretty?

Not exactly.

I had an interestingly ordinary look. Due to my lack of effort with my look on a daily-basis, being naturally like this wasn't a problem; but right now...I wanted to have _something._ Living in Arizona, with all the tanned, blonde girls, it was hard enough; but I had lived there so long, I was always expected to be plain, pale Bella.

Right now, I'm the new girl and new girls are_ always_ expected to make an impression, while I just..blended. I left the house without any alterations to my face and now standing here, looking at all these girls, I swear to god, I wish I had put on something. Anything. Dirt as blusher maybe. Everyone was staring at me, and hell if I knew where to go. Even the bathroom sounded good right about now. I mean do people just mingle? Do I just walk up to them and introduce myself, or is the introduction totally their call? I couldn't remember exactly how to do this when a familiar face clouded my vision.

'Bella!' He practically shouted.

A young, black haired, Asian boy stood there waving in my face excitedly. I flinched, and gave him a nervous smile.

'Sorry,' he chuckled, then joyously patted my back while pointing to himself, 'remember me? Eyes and ears?'

I nodded, then tucked my hair behind my right ear, 'Yeah, totally, Eric, right?

'You remembered?' he asked me with such a nervous smile.

'Yeah, of course. Never forget a friendly face,' I tried to reassure him, really, but I just wasn't particularly into over-chattiness, especially today. I was just getting to know the place.

'Wanna sit with us?' he gestured to a group of people who I vaguely remebered seeing in a few of my classes.

'Sure,' I nodded, smiling and then followed him over.

'Hey guys! So this is Bella,' Eric introduced me to the occupants one by one; there was Jessica, Angela, Mike, Emma, Riley, Sarah and Dean.

I admitted to myself that I would probably forget half their names by the end of lunch but I nodded enthusiastically and reminded myself to pay attention to the conversation. They all smiled up at me politely, and gestured to a seat in which to sit in. They all seemed pretty nice, and really hell-bent on trying to make me feel welcome which I was grateful for.

'Bella? As in...?' A girl I was pretty sure who's name was Jessica asked me.

'Isabella,' I replied.

'Which do you prefer?'

'Bella, definitely,' I shoved a fry in my mouth, hoping it was the end of the conversation that revolved around me. No such luck.

'Ok so _Bella_, where are you from?' Mike asked.

'Oh, eh I just moved here from Arizona.'

'Oh-'

'Arizona?' Jessica interjected, 'Aren't people from Arizona like..really tan? You don't look-'

'Yeah, maybe that's why they kicked me out.'

The whole table erupted into a quiet chuckle, oh which, Mike laughed the loudest-obviously amused at my little attempt at humour. To be honest, I couldn't say it was that funny but I gave a meek smile. All of a sudden the bubbly Jessica put everyone else to shame with her laugh, it seemed so forced and yet no one else noticed. She was watching Mike with obvious interest.

Her eyes shot to mine, then she looked from me to him, 'That's so funny,' and rested her head on her hand and glanced at Mike through her eyelashes, 'Yeah.'

Mike seemed completely oblivious to Jessicas darting eyes, as did many others, and he continued with his questions while holding my gaze, his hazel eyes boring into mine, making me slightly uncomfortable.

'So, he continued, 'Why did you move here? Who with?'

'Um....' The conversation has definitely taken a turn that didn't appeal to me, 'I guess...well I moved here to be with my Dad, Charlie,' I ran my hand through my hair and looked down at my tray, willing this conversation to end.

'Charlie Swan?' A mousy haired girl from the corner squeaked, 'The chief of police?'

As my eyes travelled to hers, a blush creeped up her neck and I gave her a reassuring smile but was cut off before I could answer.

'The one and only,' Mike replied for me, smiling.

'How do you know him?' the girl continued, this time, the question, however was directed at Mike.

I hoped I hadn't scared her, my eyes always seemed to bore into other peoples, which in turn made them uncomfortable. I could relate, sometimes when others looked at me in a way I didn't like, my head drooped even of it's own accord.

Mike, who was sitting on the table, as opposed to an actual chair, replied in between bites of his sandwich, 'Well, my Mom knows him..I dunno, he's an old family friend I guess. The Newtons and the Swans-we're buddies,' he chuckled, still looking at me. 'Maybe we'll get to know each other?'

'Probably,' I shrugged good-naturedly.

'So, is your Mom back in Arizona?' Jessica now took the reign of the conversation and edged towards me.

There it was. _The_ question.

'Sort of,' I said, eating another fry, 'She died a few weeks ago.'

It was then that I could swear the room went silent, I couldn't even bring my eyes up to look innocently around me. I knew exactly the effect those words had on the others, total awkwardness. But how could I have avoided the question? Yeah my Mom is back in Arizona with her boyfriend and she's gonna come visit me from time to time, she's totally loving not having responsibility anymore!

I didn't think so.

'Oh, Bella...I'm, I'm really sorry I didn't know!' I turned to look at Jessica, and her blue eyes were round with concern and worry.

'Jess, it's cool, really,' I smiled. 'I know you didn't, I don't mind,' I patted her on the back, with which she seemed to take as sincere forgiveness.

It took a few more minutes for the entire awkwardness to subside, the rest of the table remained slightly quiet for the next while but then chatter broke out once more. I stayed quiet for most of it, not wanting to give anymore of a crappy impression that I already had. A couple walked by me then and I turned to look at them, and I can't lie, I was _mesmerised._

A blonde, curly haired boy and dark, short haired, petite girl almost danced by and I was actually entranced by their presence. The boy spun the girl in such a graceful manner I wondered whether she were a ballet dancer in her spare time. My eyes swept their faces and the boy's expression startled me. He looked...agonised; in pain somehow. And although he seemed, torn up or something, his eyes were sweeping the girl's form before him in an adoring fashion. My vision switched to her almost immediately; she was beautiful, in the most, cute and adoreable way. She was dressed in the most up to date clothes and her face was shaded in neutral and pastel hues which complimented her amazing hairstyle. It was, extreme to say the least. Spreading out in every possible direction and shaped her face perfectly. I'd very nearly adore her.

'Who's that?' I motioned to the couple, now taking their seat at a newly vacated table at the back.

'Oh!' Jessica almost seemed grateful to be able to give the obvious scoop on the two, however Angela, with her first time to speak, cut across her.

'That's a Cullen and Brandon,' she said, as if the name meant everything.

'Yeah, the guy is like Dr and Mrs. Cullens foster kid,' she smirked at me, clearly in her 'gossip mode, 'The family-there's others by the way-moved down here from Alaska two years ago. The girl, well she's been around for a while, the town hasn't seen anything like her or her friends, let me tell you..'

'That crowd, they kinda...keep to themselves,' Angela admitted.

'Because they're all together. Like _together_ together,' her eyes now rested upon a large, dark, curly-haired boy and gorgeous blonde haired girl, who walked, hand in hand with each other to the same table as the couple from before. 'The blonde girl, Rosalie, and the big dark-haired guy, Emmett-they're like a _thing._ I'm not even sure if that's legal.'

'Jess!' Angela scolded, 'They're not actually related!'

'I know, but it's weird!'

'And, what about the others?' I asked, completely absorbed in the family.

'Oh yeah, the little dark-haired girl, Alice, Alice Brandon' she motioned her head towards the table the four were now occupying, 'she's really weird! She's really good friends with Jasper, the blonde who looks like he's in pain,' she chuckled.

While looking at table I could have swore I saw the girl, Alice, give her friend, Jasper a pointed look.

_Stupid, we were so obvious!_

'I think,' she carried on, at the same pitch, after opening her non fat yoghurt and taking a scoop, 'Dr Cullen's like a foster dad slash matchmaker,' she smiled, looking at her spoon and then dangling it in the air absent-mindedly. 'Alice and Jasper haven't hooked up though. I mean it looks like they're in love or something but apparently they insist they're just "good" friends.'

'Maybe he'll adopt me,' Angela smiled dreamily.

We all laughed and at that moment, I decided that I really liked Angela, she seemed like someone I could definitely get on well with.

'So, they keep to their own group a lot?'

'Yeah! They're really nice, and totally popular, but for the most part, they stick with themselves. The guys are on the basketball team, Alice and Rosalie-'

'Are cheerleaders,' Jessica provided, 'With me,' she added with a superior smile. 'Angela doesn't like the whole "short skirt" thing.'

Angela looked down pointedly while her cheeks flushed and I felt sorry for her. Jessica seemed to be the ring leader of the two, and Angela, too shy to stand up to her.

I leaned away from my table and glanced around. The door that the Cullens and Alice had just come through was swinging, until a large hand caught it and opened it. A tall, lanky yet toned boy walked through the door. He had pale skin with this untidy, reddish bronze hair that, in that moment, I was dying to run my hands through; and his cheeks were slightly hollowed in comparison to his strong and defined bone structure. I could see from my seat that his eyes were a glowing green. He loped in the same direction as the others, with a dark leather jacket in his strong hand.

'Who's _he_?' I breathed.

'That's Edward Cullen.'

I stared at him for a few moments until his eyes seemed to follow my gaze. I shot my head forward to look at Angela.

'He's totally goregous-like all of them of course,' she added sneeringly. 'But apparently no one here is good enough for him. Like I care!'

My eyes followed his tall figure and saw him sit down with the others. How could anyone..._anyone_, take their eyes off him?

'Anyway, don't waste your time!' My head spun back around and I shook it, chuckling.

'I wasn't planning on it,' I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

'He did go out with Tanya Denali,' Angela whispered in Jessicas ear.

'Yeah but we all know what _for_! It's not as if it was anything serious or long lasting,' she said rolling her eyes.

'Hey you guys, I'm gonna go get dessert, you want any?' I got up out of my seat and stared at my half eaten food and admitted quietly to myself, that I had barely eaten anything.

'Some jello out of the question?' Jessica bobbed enthusiastically at me.

I nodded in reply.

I left the table comtemplating the family I had just been told about, and following the gazes of all the students in the cafeteria, I should have clued in earlier to the very nearly famous Cullens and Alice Brandon. On second speculation, I noticed the group was visited by a lot of the student population, however none of them ever left their table. Just laughed and talked along with whoever came over to hang out with them; eventually a larger group was made up that centred around Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and Edward.

I sighed, I guess that was the popular, pretty group. Including Edward Cullen. Excluding me.

I dumped my old food except for my apple and picked up some jello for Jessica. I didn't even see anything that I wanted to eat right now, so I just contented myself with my shiny, red apple. I walked back to my table and looked towards that sacred table, my vision flooded with perfection. My eyes travelled across the sea of faces and they rested on Edward, who, for some reason, seemed to be staring back at me. I stood there; totally in shock, and just looked at him.

Why was someone like that, looking at me? He actually startled me, by sitting there in his chair, just being, he startled me. There was an air about him, I couldn't describe it, but it wasn't just from how he looked-despite the fact that yes, he was the most amazingly attractive male I had ever seen, but there was _something_ about him that I couldn't put into words. Maybe it was the way he was looking at me, with that intense expression that I had never seen before.

'Yo! Bell-a!' Eric called.

I jumped a little and looked over to our table and nearly tripped over my own footing. I glanced back towards Edward, who was still staring at me, a little smile now tugging at his shapely lips. My brows furrowed slightly and I shook my head as I sat down and bit my lip.

_What was that?!_

'Wa-hey! Thanks Bella, you're the best,' Jessica smiled heartily as she abandoned her yoghurt and reached for the jello.

'Are you still nervous about your classes Bella?'

I replied honestly, 'Yeah, kinda,' I shrugged, 'I mean, I still don't really know my way around.'

'At least you have us,' Angela looked at me warmly.

'Yeah I know, seriously, thanks guys, I'd be pretty lost right now,' I returned her smile, meaning every bit of it.

'Ya know if it weren't for me Bells you probably would be lost!' Eric interjected, causing the whole table to laugh.

'So, what's your next class anyway?' Jess asked, finishing up her dessert.

'Biology I think,' screwing my eyes up, trying to remember. I shoved my hand in my jeans pocket and retrieved a small scrap of paper with my timetable on it which confirmed it. 'Yeah, bio next!'

With that, the bell went and everyone stood up and went in their respective directions. I assumed no one had biology as after they dumped their trays, they didn't follow me. With my backpack hanging on my shoulder and my timetable in hand, I made my way to Mr. Warrens classroom and entered it. I walked up to his desk and introduced myself.

'Hmm Isabella Swan,' he mumbled, his finger trailing down the class list; eventually finding it, he tapped the scribble that was my name in confirmation, 'Aha! There you are. Ok, here is the project, we're working on at the moment.' He handed me about 5 sheets of paper and an apologetic smile, 'You should be able to catch up quickly, let's see...' he trailed down his list again, then turned to me, 'You can go sit beside Edward Cullen. Over there.'

I turned in the direction that his finger pointed and my heart seized a little at the mention that I'd be sitting beside _him._ And then I saw him, looking down, reading his notes. He was leaning on the desk with one arm, while his other hand was holding the back of his neck as he sat deep in concentration. I nodded at Mr. Warren, mumbling thanks, as I trudged over to my assigned seat and plopped my bag on the floor.

Edward looked up, obviously startled, but his surprise quickly turned into a small smile.

'Hey,' his voice stopped me from sitting down.

'Huh?' I replied in my eloquent way.

He chuckled a little, 'You gonna sit down?'

I looked around and notice everybody was already in their seats. I plopped down and stretched my hands out in front of me, 'Hey,' I turned giving him a small smile.

'I'm Edward Cullen,' he held out his hand for me to shake.

To be honest I wasn't quite sure that I was in control of my limbs. Surprisingly, I actually lifted my hand, 'I'm Bella Swan.'

'Bella Swan? That's...really pretty.'

Yeah that and a _mailbox_.

He seemed to notice how lame it sounded and he quickly recovered, 'It _is_ nice, I'm not just saying,' he reassured me and, despite how awkward it sounded, it was still honest. He appeared to be honest.

'Thanks,' I nodded, biting my lip and running my hand through my hair.

'Sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?'

I turned to look at him and his gaze startled me, it was pretty damn intense, like looking through me, 'No no, just...not used to compliments you know?'

'Not really, how could _you _not be used to compliments?' he retorted, standing up quickly and walking up towards the teachers desk, retrieving some more documents, and returning to our table.

He sat back down and flopped the sheets in front of me before I could even begin to be surprised at his comment. He thought that I got compliments?! I wanted to actually 'Ha!' in his face.

'So where'd you wanna start?' He continued, taking on a totally different subject and meaning our project.

To be honest, with Edward Cullen, I didn't even know where to begin......


	3. What have I got myself into?

**_Ok so I'm freaking loving the amount of 'favourite author and story alerts,' I'm getting and your reviews are awesome-keep it coming!!  
_****_  
Sorry it took me so long to update-school outing thingy, I gots so so busy! One reviewer can back me up-she was there:)_**

**_Anyway in this chapter there's some swearing-rated M for a reason people._**

**_Disclaimer: If I wrote Twilight, Edward would be mine, k? So let's not be silly and give mad props to Ms. Meyer!_**

**_And so the story continues:_**

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'So where'd you wanna start?' He continued, taking on a totally different subject and meaning our project.

I searched through the pages with fumbling hands, 'Um I guess....Developmental biology, Mendelian genetics, Immunology? Anything, take your pick...' I shrugged nonchalantly.

'Don't mind if I do,' he reached across me and picked up a sheet and scanned it, in the process skimming my forearm and causing me to shiver slightly, 'How about Immunology? You got high recommendations from Mr. Varner, I think maybe you can handle it,' he then flashed me that brilliant, crooked smile of his and I was almost sidetracked.

'Can you?' I challenged.

He was taken aback at my question but of course he recomposed himself quickly, 'I think I got this.'

'Good. I don't like slackers.'

'What do you like?'

It was my turn to be taken aback; I turned to look at him fully, almost study him-I didn't even care if he were watching. He was wearing a grey, long sleeved t-shirt which emphasised how long and lean he was. Dark wash jeans complimented his torso and his long legs. His hair was ruffled in a particularly structured way and there was a distinct curve to his cupids bow. A distinct curve in his cheekbones. A distinct glint in those piercing emerald orbs that were his eyes. Everything about him was _distinct_; there was no shading or slights. Just strong and pronounced and beautiful. His gaze was intent and impatient.

'Certain things,' I shrugged, 'I'm pretty picky, I like what I like but I don't have a type. Sometimes though I think you can meet someone or even just see them and it's like this attraction. I can't explain it but you find yourself just wanting to know the person.'

His eyes seemed to glaze over as I said this but then he threw his head back and chuckled, 'Yeah Bella, it's called lust!'

I scoffed a little at this, 'Jeez not everything's about sex you know, do you never just want to get to _know_ a girl rather than get to know what kind of underwear she's wearing?'

Edward stiffened at my retort and actually seemed a little offended, 'Hey,' he grabbed my forearm and pressed his thumb into the fabric of my sweater. He brought his face close to mine, 'I never said that. I'm not like...them,' he growled in a low, velvety voice.

'Aren't all guys like that?' I returned his gaze, piercing and intent-or at least as much as I could muster. I was so aware of his thumb pressing into my forearm and my heart beat so much faster.

'No. Hell no,' I could taste his breath from inches away and it made me feel so dizzy; the words he was saying, the passion his voice held, his obvious conviction and the way his mouth moved when he said them..I...couldn't...think.

The bell rang in that instant.

His eyes followed the noise but then quickly rested back on me in mere moments, 'You don't know me,' I began to protest, 'Get to,' he interjected.

With that, he grabbed the sheet he needed to begin his part of the project and his bag, and exited the room so fast I hadn't even begun to realise what was happening.

* * *

'Bella!'

I was rooting through my locker, trying to find my math book when I heard a shriek behind me and I looked up in surprise. Who'd be shrieking my name on my first day? A vision of blue appeared before me, jumping up and down in excitement.

'Hey Jess,' I smiled, wondering what exactly she wanted from me.

'Bells, hey,' she hugged me quickly and gave me a beaming smile, 'so I was wondering,' she scratched her head nervously and looked around, 'Do you want to join the cheerleading squad?'

'Um...what?'

'The cheerleading squad! You know, cheering; panties; splits; hot guys;' she winked, listing off all the "pros" on her fingers.

I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm, 'You forgot, yelling; tripping; falling; making a fool of myself?'

Jessica shook her head reassuringly, 'You won't make a fool of yourself, I promise! Look the squad are like, totally desperate for a new cheerleader and Alice will seriously have our asses if we don't find one and who better than you?'

'Someone who can walk on a flat surface without tripping first of all would make a nice start I suppose,' I ran my hands through my hair and could only imagine what I looked like in that moment, real cheerleader material I ventured.

Jessica's expression darkened somewhat and for the second time today, I was grabbed, 'Isabella freaking Swan, you will get your butt over to that gym, put a uniform on, tie your hair back, report to Alice Brandon and cheer your little heart out, or-' she paused for dramatic, schoolgirl effect, '-I will personally rip it out of your chest, dispose of your corpse and shove it in a giant pitcher of vinegar, capiche?'

My eyes were as round as quarters in that moment at the first sign of Jessica's madness, 'Yes ma'am,' I nodded.

She let go instantaneously and beamed, 'Great! Thanks! You're the best, Bells,' she pulled me into another brief hug and then released me to the gratitude of my aching arms. 'See ya in five!' She waved in my face and bounced away.

I huffed in exasperation and glanced at my locker-wedged in between 3 other books was my math textbook which I grabbed in haste and shoved in my backpack. I slammed my locker shut and shoved my hands in my pocket as I traipsed off with my backpack slung low over my shoulder.

_Just great._

I got to be the laughing stock of Forks High on my first day here! Only with my luck could stuff like this happen. And Alice Brandon? Rosalie and Jasper Hale? Edward and Emmett Cullen? That whole group intimidated me already and I certainly didn't want them to see my spastic aero tactics. The guys probably had basketball practice and would be around to witness my shame, while the girls would probably be flirting and bending over on purpose! I'm not ready for this...

* * *

I entered the gym hall in my newly fitted cheerleader outfit and my wavy hair scraped back into a messy ponytail. My eyes flitted around the hall to the different scenes before me; most of the guys were doing lay ups or stretches while the girls seemed to be crowded around an unknown entity.

'Isabella!'

Huh?

'Isabella Swan!' My confusion was cleared up when I saw a young, gorgeous, dark haired pixie almost dance over towards me with a clipboard glued to her tiny fingers.

'Oh...hi,' I mumbled, one of my arms gripping the other tightly.

'Don't be nervous!' the pixie I knew as Alice Brandon gushed. She had these warm, hazel eyes and such a milky complexion with this..._electrifying_, brilliant smile.

'Oh I'm just...' I shook my head wondering how to explain my current situation, 'I don't think I'm really right for you guys-to be a cheerleader I mean!' I added this as I saw her face fall slightly when I mentioned I wasn't right for them, the look she had made me feel instantly guilty, 'Seriously, I'm totally un-co ordinated, I actually hit myself with rackets in gym and I find things to fall over when there's nothing on the ground-'

'Who's this?'

My head, as did Alice's, snapped in the direction of the crowd of cheerleaders standing a few feet from us. A blonde figure stepped out from the crowd and was making her way toward us. I couldn't _believe_ how amazingly stunning she was. I'd seen Rosalie pass me but I obviously hadn't been paying much attention-my memory didn't serve her justice in the slightest. She was tall and curvy with long, luscious golden hair, bright blue eyes and a honey complexion. Her features were in proportion and soft, unlike Alice's sharp, dainty ones. I suddenly felt very...blah.

Gotta hand it to Forks; so far it's been doing wonders to my confidence.

'This is Isabella, our new cheerleader!' Alice motioned towards me and grinned.

'Isabella,' Rosalie repeated calmly, as she stood in front of me. All of a sudden her hand came up to meet mine and she shook it briefly.

'Actually it's Bella.'

Did I really just say that? Oh go on there Bells-impress them with your polite and pleasing attitude! I nearly rolled my eyes at my own sarcasm but stopped myself before I endangered my first impression anymore than I already had.

Rosalie nodded solemnly, 'M'kay, Bella then. You're new? Great. Go out there and show us what you got,' a smirk tugged at her lips as she threw several things out for me to comprehend.

What I've got is a big fucking urge to find a toilet and see my lunch again.

'Sorry I don't think I caught your name?'

And for that I got a nice few glances in my direction.

_Fucking toast._

* * *

I managed to make it to my truck that afternoon with a minimal amount of scrapes and bruises-quite a feat for the day that was in it actually. Harassed by most popular guy in school _and _a cheerleader; forced to become said princess of darkness armed with pom poms; almost attacked by most beautiful girl in the entire world and all in my first day at Forks High. I couldn't figure who had ever coined the term, 'You can't teach an old dog new tricks,' I was certainly getting the hang of a few.

I plopped my backpack on top of my truck and stuffed the hideous evidence of my peppy shame into it.

'How did you manage to piss off Rose that much in one day?'

I turned on my heel and found myself face to face with Edward Cullen. He was leaning casually against a neighbouring car and only inches from my face.

'How did you manage to escape Rose?' I retorted, 'Aren't you and that group like this?' I motioned my fingers into a twist.

He shook his head and chuckled, 'We're like this,' he took my hand gently and untwined my fingers until I was either making a very rude sign to myself or I was giving him a very friendly sign. 'We come in peace,' he laughed again, still holding my hand and looking at me, 'We're not that bad.'

'Tell that to Nazi Barbie,' I reclaimed my hand and leaned against my truck, crossing my arms in defence mode.

'Was she that bad?'

'You saw her! Apparently it's "so easy," to a double backhand spring and, "only the mentally handicapped would have trouble comprehending the fundamentals of that manoeuvre"!' I air quoted her then threw my hands up and sighed dramatically.

Edward shook his head apologetically, 'Sorry about that, someone should have warned you she's a bit intense about stuff like that. Who dragged you into it anyway?' He ran his hands through that wild tangle of bronze hair and I replied a bit slower than I should have and probably proving Rosalie's point about my handicap.

'Um...oh Jessica Stanley,' I nodded, shoving my hands in my pocket.

'Newton's chick?'

I shrugged, 'I guess, I don't know really.'

He nodded and bit his lip; we stayed like that for a few silent moments when he saw his friends coming out of the gym. Just as he began walking towards them, he stopped and turned back to face me.

'Hey, you wanna go out?' he seemed nervous as he asked me this and I couldn't understand why, what was nerve-racking about the question?

What was the question?

'What?' I shook my head in confusion.

'Would you like to go out...with me?'

'On a date?' My heart was no longer in my chest. It was actually out...somewhere in the bloody universe 'cause it was _not_ in my chest anymore.

He smiled that crooked smile as he composed himself finally, 'Of sorts.'

I pondered for a moment-one simple question, _What was happening?_

'Em...sure,' I shook my head a little.

Why not?

Just then I got a full blast of that dazzling smile as he decided he wanted to be nearer to me. He strode over in two long steps and extended his hand to my face; his long, slender finger traced the length of my cheekbone and I quivered slightly.

It was just him and I.

His half open jacket suddenly looked so inviting...

'I'll see you around Bella,' his smile was quickly becoming my most favourite thing to watch-his eyes crinkled slightly at the corners and there was a liveliness in his eyes that otherwise seemed darkened.

'What about-?' I began, my brown eyes longing to keep matching his.

'We'll figure something out,' he interjected, his finger making it's way down to my lips; his eyes following it.

'EDWARD!'

I gulped in the same moment that he retracted his hand and his body from near me. One quick grin and he backed away-then suddenly sprinted towards his Volvo, flashing his keys to Jasper who thumped him on the back. I turned to stare at the scene-the Cullens, the Hales and Alice, wondering how exactly I'd become implicated in their perfect little lives and how I'd ever try to keep up.

I definitely was learning some new tricks. I picked my backpack up and threw it into the truck, quickly following it myself and then starting the ignition. Edward raced past me in his Volvo and in my mirror I thought I saw his head flick in my direction for a moment. After our brief but intimate exchange I reasoned that the thought wasn't implausible, but I didn't appreciate my health being compromised either-what with my hyperventilating and dizzy spells; the irregular heart beats weren't exactly what the doctor ordered either.

_Stupid, shiny Volvo owner._

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_**Had to put that in-just had to!!  
**__**  
Awaiting your reviews please please please please, you drive me to spend hours dislocating my sleeping pattern and writing this stuff!!**_


	4. I found my feet in the shape of a heart

**Ok people so so sorry that I took so long to update-school has been a biotch! **

**You're all tres tres lucky that I've the flu so I have the time to update, I really like this chapter, yupp I know the relationship has progressed between Edward and Bella somewhat here but they still have a long way to go-I believe in it anyway, you know that it'd happen so don't review saying it wouldn't cos you'll die!:**

**Joke joke all reviews are cherished you amazing people. Thanks for the amazing reviews, Fav story and story alerts etc, all appreciated! Looking forward to more:)**

**Disclaimer: SM rocked Twilight, and this is all hers-I'm just borrowing the fundamentals..!!**

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I worked backwards, I fell forwards. I tumbled, stumbled, and broke my hip; I hit my head, soon to be dead, and oh god then Charlie'll flip.

'Everyone ready?!' Alice shouted at the top of her lungs.

I was ripped out of my little dreamworld and forced into realising my current surroundings; the school gym, with the _entire_ town in it. I had actually resigned myself to making up rhymes about my current predicament to provide a distraction until my next humiliation, which by the looks of it, was to come any moment.

I couldn't fucking believe how I'd gotten into this; how I'd stayed at this. And now I was cheerleading on a friday night at Forks High for the basketball team. After the first practice, I couldn't even fathom

how any of the girls would want me to stay on the team but apparently Jess and Alice had a little chat and their need for a replacement cheerleader was higher than the priority of everyones safety and pride. One thing I could say for sure: I looked _ridiculous_, definitely not my usual attire; I had a long sleeved, tight, cropped top on which exposed my stomach to the highest extent, a short, pleated deep blue mini skirt to match and plain white trainers. My hair was pulled back into a ponytail and Jessica had applied a little make up to my face after I showed up au natural. I couldn't describe in that moment how nervous and embarassed I was, and how willing everybody seemed to be in showing off my incompetence even after my constant protests.

'Come on you guys, lets do this!' Rosalie belted out somewhere from my left.

We, as a team, struck a ready pose and all of a sudden the wooden floor of the gym reverberated under my feet. Alice's i-pod had been jacked up to a soundsystem and whatever song of the moment burst out and echoed through the entire building. One of the girls up front did a flip across the floor which prompted us to begin our routine; I, with great effort, tried to master as much as I could, a decent shake of my torso with co-ordinating hand movements. Several moments passed, and out of sheer concentration, I didn't do anything too embarassing. I looked at the crowds that seemed to be staring down at us and avoided Charlie's eyes in the second last row-he'd been alerted by one of his buddies down at the station of my new role in Forks High and how I'd be cheering at the big game on Friday. I looked down again, trying to get a grip on my feet, which seemed to have a mind of their own.

'Bella!' Rosalie whispered loudly, 'Pick up your fucking head girl, no one wants to see your scalp!'

I whipped my head back up as fast as I could and glanced over apologetically, however she wasn't looking at me anymore, just smiling at the crowds angelically. All of a sudden, in the middle of a twist, I completely under-estimated the speed at which I'd turned my body and stumbled a little in surprise, catching one foot on the other, I fucking lost my balance and fell into another girl, headbutting her.

'Ouch! Jesus, Swan, look where you're going!' the fiery red head who I'd just given a concussion too glared at me while I shrunk back in embarassment, tenderly fingering my forehead.

I'd attempted to finish off the routine with as much grace as I could muster, but after the loud whispers and giggles which ensued after my accident, I had become too flustered to try; my cheeks burned and admittedly, I felt pretty shit about the whole ordeal. The music ended and cheers erupted from the stands-I glanced up and people were roaring their applause. I dared to smile a little bit despite my shame. The entire squad made their way to the sidelines and the announcement for the beginning of the game ensued. I kept my eyes wide open for Edward-as much as I had dreaded this evening, he was the one part of it I wouldn't be sorry to stick around for.

I saw the basketball team emerge from the changing rooms and sprint out into the middle of the court; then in a few moments I spotted a mass of bronze hair following the sea of athletes-it was him of course. I looked him over as he took his place marking another bulky guy and I knew that the embarassment of tonights previous incident was totally worth it-I couldn't take my eyes off of him, however creepy it may have been. He looked over at me in that second and my heart leapt, his eyes connected with mine and yet I still didn't turn away. I didn't know what I looked like to him-probably a poor imitation of what a girl was meant to look like but he looked to me like someone I knew. I felt like I knew him, like I was meant to know him-as if he were special. He grinned at me crookedly and I felt myself grin back.

'Good luck,' I mouthed.

'Right back at you,' he mouthed back.

I chuckled and cheered along with the rest of the crowd as the ball was thrown in the air, which signalled the start of the match. I wasn't particularly sure how the game of basketball went-I'd never followed it or had much reason to back in Arizona but I had plenty of reason to try now-with him playing anyway.

'Bella are you _ever_ going to stop standing there looking completely fucking dumb founded and actually do something?!' Rose snapped in my ear.

I stiffened, hoping she didn't follow my gaze, 'Sorry,' I muttered.

'Listen if you're gonna act like a complete spastic, I can find someone to take your place,' she went on, glaring at me through her perfect eyes.

'It's fine, I'll get the hang of it, I promise,' I ran my hands through my hair and sighed.

'Well don't take your fucking time about it or anything,' she rolled her eyes.

I sighed again in exasperation and looked around, trying to gain some idea of what to do and imitate it. I jumped up and down unsurely, being pretty careful not to mix up my feet and yelling a little in encouragement.

'You're getting the hang of it!' I heard a voice behind me exclaime gleefully.

I turned around in surprise and the cheerleading captain stood in front of me.

'Hey Alice,' I smiled, 'I'm trying anyway.'

'Well you're doing a great job,' she patted my shoulder encouragingly, 'Don't listen to Rose by the way, she's....she's, Rose, I guess,' she shrugged her shoulders but smiled brightly at me.

I chuckled nervously, 'Don't worry about it.'

She nodded and turned away from me, walking back to her spot on the side lines. I shrugged off the feeling that I had being around her, I thought she was one of the nicest people I had ever met and I wanted to be comfortable around her but she belonged to a crowd that I was uneasy around and who I'd never really gotten to trust. It was blatent generalising, but she was with the popular, attractive clique, and prejudice had won out and told me that that clique wasn't one I wanted to be a part of, or wouldn't be the most stable place to be.

The match ended not to long later, with our side winning, 32-24. I'd watched Edward for most of it, but still trying to appease Rose by sporadically jumping a little or shaking a pair of pom poms. Other girls were flipping and doing the splits, but I was achieving a lot just by not falling over again so I didn't want to push it. We'd changed out of our uniforms and I'd heard talk of a party going on in the Cullens house after, which surprised me considering Angela had declared the Cullens and Alice the type of people who kept to themselves. I figured that there was a strong internal group there which consisted of Alice, Rose, Jasper, Emmett and Edward but who let people in for superficial reasons. Not even superficial, but for show. Maybe I was wrong but I'd probably come to see the dynamics of how their system worked soon enough; as it was, Alice and Rose were obviously best friends who spent a lot of time together, but their kind just _had_ to be popular, and with that came parties, and social gatherings which they'd have to partake in.

'Hey Bella, a group of us are heading out to Rose's house for a bit of a celebration, do you wanna come?' Alice turned to me in the changing rooms, raising her eyebrow slightly with her question.

After pulling my t shirt over my head I glanced over at Rose who had huffed a little in the corner, surrounded by her friends. She glanced at me and looked away-somehow I didn't think Alice's invitation originated from any of the residents of the Cullen household but she still seemed to have the freedom of asking whoever she pleased.

I shook my head, 'No thanks Alice, I don't want to keep Charlie up to late, I think I'll just head home!

But thanks for the invitation,' I smiled warmly at her in appreciation.

Her face fell instantaneously and my heart squeezed-here she was being so friendly towards me and I couldn't be bothered to make an effort.

'Oh come on Bells, it's gonna be so much fun! I'd love to dress you up and everything! Charlie won't mind, it's not even a school night,' she stood on her tippy toes in expectation.

'Ehm....yeah ok-'

'Great!'

'Hold on! I just, I'm gonna go home and take a shower, I'll throw something on myself otherwise I'll be late but I'll be out to the house in a while if that's ok?'

Her face remained bright and she nodded enthusiastically, 'Sure, just as long as you're there!'

She leapt over a little towards me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I stood there, frozen on the spot as she disappeared in front of me. She ran out of the changing rooms with Rose and a few others, including Jessica, who surprisingly, hadn't said much since after the match.

I sat down on the bench and sighed a little, throwing on my jacket and fixing my hairband. I met Charlie outside the gym where he greeted me enthusiastically.

'Hey Bells!' he threw his arms around me and gave me a squeeze.

'Hey Charlie,' I smiled at him.

'You did great, kiddo! Hardly any accidents, you must be proud,' he chuckled.

'Why does everybody keep reminding me? I know how much I did and didn't trip, I was there!' I laughed a little, rolling my eyes, wishing for any reminder of the my klutziness to go away.

'Sorry Bells, I'm just pretty proud of you,' he patted my shoulder, and for the second time that day I felt reassured, 'Let's go home.'

'Yeah, okay,' I stalled a little, not wondering how to phrase my request of attending the Cullen party-I wasn't sure how much Charlie knew, he'd probably heard but assumed I wouldn't be going. 'Listen, Charlie, you probably heard about the party going on in the Cullen house tonight.'

Charlie jerked his head a little, and fiddled with the keys of the car, 'Yeah I heard, why?'

'I was thinking...I was wondering if maybe I could go? I want to go home and change first, have a shower and all that, but Alice Brandon invited me-'

'I thought you didn't like those social things?' Charlie questioned suspiciously.

'I don't! I really, you know...not my thing at all, it's just,' I pleaded with him as much as I could with my expression, trying to get him to understand how hard it would be for me to turn down Alice yet again, 'It's just I'm really trying to get to know the people here and make some friends. I was totally unprepared for the invite but I don't want to turn it down-just in case they get the wrong impression.'

Charlie seemed to mull over this for a few seconds, his moustache twitching and his gaze on me intent, 'Sure Bells, of course you can go,' he finally decided.

I actually felt my entire face light up and I threw my arms around him, 'Thank you!' I practically screamed in his ear.

'Bella! Bella, calm down,' he chuckled, patting my head and returning the hug.

I let him go and we got into the car and made our way home in comfortable silence. Upon getting out of the car I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to face Charlie who had the strangest expression on his face.

'Charlie?' I whispered, confused.

'You know Bells, I don't say this often enough,' he looked away from me and placed his hands on the wheel once more, staring out into the darkness through the windscreen, 'But I'm so proud of you. Really and truly. I'm not the worlds greatest father and I think you know that but you're something special to me, and I may be biased but I think you're pretty special in your own right,' his voice faltered a little and he coughed, 'Your Mom would be proud of you too.'

In that moment I looked away from him, I didn't want to talk about her.

'Why?' I had to ask the question, 'I don't do anything. I'm just here,' I shrugged and glanced at my hands folded in my lap.'

'You don't see yourself clearly. You are....I could list out things that make you special but it would totally detract from the real reason; because you just are; 'cause you're you, because you are totally unaware of your effect on people by just being you. You're not a big talker, and you say much more with your expression but than you ever could with your mouth but when you do say something-it's sincere, it's real, it gets to people. I don't know Bells, like I said I'm biased, but I've people coming up to me and telling me what a great girl you are and all I can do is tell them that I know. You're so like her you know. You have that something just like she did.'

'Charlie, I know this is gonna come out wrong whatever way I say it but, I...I don't want to be like her. I can't be like Renee-first and foremost, she was something special, she was...Mom I guess, and I never really got how great a person she was until she left; but I just don't want to see myself in her.'

I hated confiding my innermost feelings, especially in awkward situations like this but I had to make him understand.

'I hate her for getting sick, I hate her for promising she'd be just fine, I hate her for leaving me and for never coming back. She was great but she was....weak. She needed people to take care of her and,' I shook my head trying to find the words to fit and express what I meant without hurting Charlie more than I had to, 'I don't wanna be like that,' I felt tears prick my eyes and a gigantic lump in my thoat. I tried to swallow it but it wouldn't go away, 'She needed people, she was so so emotional and I want to be...sufficient and enough for myself.'

'Bella everybody needs people-'

'But this, Charlie, I can't...describe what this feels like! I can't find the words to say what it actually means to love someone so much and to have them leave. If someone said that she'd come back in fifty years and I'd be alive to see her, it would be fine, I swear but-' I raked my hands through my hair in frustration, '-ugh!! I can't...she's not coming back, and she was here and-' I knew, I totally fucking knew I wasn't making an ounce of sense and it was coming out wrong, there were too many feelings to sort through, 'She was real wasn't she?'

I saw Charlie nod his head out of the corner of my eye which was now blurred by tears.

'I hugged her and I talked to her and I loved her...'cause she was real and she was here. That's what hurts so much-that I had her. Once...not too long ago, she was healthy and happy and I had her.

I'm so grateful that I had her at all but...it's not enough. I'm too greedy for my own good but the last 17 years of my life-that's all I got with her, and it's not enough by a long shot. I have to watch everybody else get, I dunno, until they get married at age thirty and I just have to sit and deal with that.'

There was silence in the car for a few moments, 'You'll get something in return. It won't make up for not having Renee anymore, but someone is gonna try and give you a bit more happiness.'

'Maybe,' I agreed half heartedly; I doubt the world remembered Bella Swan to be honest.

'You're not happy are you? Not here, not with me, without her,' he smiled sadly.

'I love you Charlie, and I love being with you. But...no I'm not. I'm not happy-there's too much sadness, and too big of a hole. I can't see it getting better,' I admitted honestly.

'Try for me honey,' he leaned over and kissed my forehead, then hopped out of the car, banging the door slightly.

I leaned against the headrest and wiped away the tears that were silently rolling down my cheeks; this was as much as I'd said about Renee since she died, and I hadn't even said half of what I was feeling or thinking. I opened the door and climbed out of the car slowly, thinking about the conversation just passed.

'Hey,' a soft, velvet voice echoed behind me.

I turned around and gasped quietly.

'Hi,' I squeaked.

His expression hardened somewhat when he saw my face, 'What happened?'

I shook my head in response.

He stepped forward and brushed my cheek where I was sure there were stains from my crying.

'What happened to you?'

I stood frozen underneath his contact and smiled sadly, 'Nothing you need to worry about.'

'I'm always going to worry,' he admitted shrugging, 'Do you want to go for a walk?'

'What about....everything?'

I hoped he'd understand what I meant about everything-hoped he'd understand more than I did anyway, I wasn't quite sure to be honest. Everything meant everything anyway, it covered a multitude of what could have been going on.

'_Everything_,' he pressed on the word, 'Is gonna be here when we get back.'

I nodded in agreement and followed him as he turned and walked, only stopping to look at my house once more-hoping Charlie would be too busy thinking I was upstairs getting ready to notice that I never came through the front door. We strolled down towards the end of the block and crossed the road to a little gate that provided an entrance to a park. It was pretty dark out, only the moon giving any sort of light to our stroll. Everything was so quiet, there was no wind, no animals or strange noises, just the sound of Edward and I walking beside one another.

'Are you okay?' he finally voiced.

'How much of the lie do you want?'

'I don't want the lie. You can tell me,' he promised.

'I'm just...not in the greatest of moods at the moment.'

'Is there anything at all I can do to help?'

I mulled over the question for a moment-he could _try _to help of course, how far he would get I didn't know-he couldn't heal me all over I was sure, but to provide some type of support or distraction maybe would help.

'If you want to be here, then that would help,' I admitted.

'I do want to be here. Is that all? I was gonna be here anyway, I just want something a little more pro-active,' he joked quietly.

'I don't think you get it, I know you're here physically-but I want you to be here....for me I guess. For support.'

He shook his head solemnly, 'I don't think you get it; I was gonna be here-for you, only for you-anyway,' I saw him brush his hands through his hair and I figured that it took a lot out of him to say that, it was pretty gutsy I admit.

'You were?' I questioned-taken aback.

'Of course. I'd wait in the wings till you needed me.'

'I need you,' I whispered.

I hadn't a clue where this was coming from-it wasn't confidence, it wasn't flirting; it was honesty. I couldn't lie about this, I didn't have the strength. His forwardness prompted me to be honest-I owed him that much since he said what he did. I didn't even know why he was saying these things, or why I needed him. I figured it was because I knew him-before I even knew that I knew him; it was instinctive and there and sounded so so corny in my head but I couldn't deny it.

_Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

'Then I'm always here,' he stated simply.

'Why do you want this? All of a sudden-out of the blue, I don't get your side of the story.'

'Same reason you want it,' he shrugged looking at me for the first time since we were outside my house.

His face glowed in the moonlight. Just the utter nature of the conversation itself and the person I was having the conversation with-it threw me. And all of a sudden I became very aware of how bare I was laying myself. He could pick up the pieces and squash them as much as he wanted. I didn't believe he would do that, but I didn't believe a lot of other things would happen and they went ahead and did.

I chuckled nervously, 'At least I'm not crazy-I thought it was all one-sided to be honest.'

He chuckled as well, 'Don't worry it's not-I know what you mean though, it's not...normal but, I want you to know I don't make a habit of it,' he stared at me intensely through deep emerald eyes and I could tell he was being sincere, 'I just have this feeling, and I want to go with it. It sounds pretty lame and I've only met you a few days ago but I don't think you're like everybody else. You seem to break the boundaries and I really, really want for you to be okay,' he stopped walking and I followed suit-he looked like a carved statue when he looked at me like that. But in the most beautiful, picturesque way, 'I want you to be happy, and I feel like that's something I should take care of-making you happy, or making sure you are. If you want me to back off that's fine, I'll do it in a heartbeat, but like I said, I'm waiting in the wings.'

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me_

'Edward,' I began, not quite sure what I was getting at, 'You have a completely set up life here-don't mess it up. I know that I'm not what your group would consider....acceptable. I want us to be friends but if things get screwed up for you..'

'Forget it Bella,' his voice hardened, 'Don't think about it, or them,' he took my face in his hands and my breath hitched.

'Edward, please, I don't want things to be hard for you.'

'Bella, you're the thing that's gonna make my life better. We're friends okay? I'm gonna look out for you, and be here for you, whatever you need, just please don't think that you're a burden for me-I can't handle that.'

I brought my hands up and rested them on his, which were still cupped around my face; my thumbs rubbing his skin, 'And I'm here,' I stated confidently.

'I know you're here-?'

'Now who doesn't get it? I'm here for _you_.'

_Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

He shook his head, 'Bella, you don't wanna do that. This is about you, you never look happy. Never. Even when you smile,' he didn't seem to be embarassed in admitting he'd noticed, he just let the fact flow freely, 'You need someone. I'm...I'm fine, I don't need "someone".'

I watched him; I studied him as much as I could in that intimate moment. His hard expression with those soft eyes, and his gentle strength, holding up my face from falling down; I saw exactly what was happening. He was _lying. _He needed me as much as I needed him. He was broken too.

I nuzzled my cheek against his hand,' What happened to you?' I re-iterated his question from before.

He closed his eyes and opened them slowly, 'Some stupid shit went on-I handled it.'

'How are you?'

'I'm.....working on it.'

'Let me help you,' I pleaded.

'No,' his voice hardened and it surprised me-but I quickly found that he wasn't angry with me, he just wanted to protect me, 'Sorry I just..like I said this is about you and your happiness.'

'Edward, tell me one thing: Are you happy? Really and truly, are you happy with yourself, your life-whatever?'

After a long period of silence he seemed to give in to honesty, 'It changes; sometimes I feel something good, but it quickly goes and I'm just left there. Most of the time, it's safe to say I'm not happy.'

'What do your friends say? Your brothers?'

'I don't talk about it with them-with anyone.'

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me_

I hardened my voice on purpose for the first time that evening and squeezed Edward's hands hard, 'Edward. Don't fucking do this to yourself.'

His eyes widened in surprise at my aggression at this point.

'I'm not gonna watch you do this, I can't...I don't even _want _to let you see me and what I really am like-you'll run a fucking mile-' he began to protest but I cut him off, '-I'm willing to let you see me, and help me, and try to fix me, but for god's sake, I will _not_ just let you fuck everything you could have up. You've so much to be, you are so much, right now,' I furrowed my brow and looked him over, 'You need me as much as I need you. You just have to let me-for me please. We can share this, can't we?'

'I don't want you to see me and what I'm really like,' he smiled,' _You'd_ be the one running away.'

I shook my head in disagreement, and I lifted my hands to his hair, running my hands through it a little-he didn't seem to mind, his eyes fluttered closed, 'I'm not going anywhere Edward,' I whispered. 'I'm always, always here, no matter what, and I want you to lean on me. Please I'm begging?' My voice sounded so small for what I was asking of him, and to my surprise, he nodded. His eyes still closed, one of my hands still in his hair, the other, resting on his hand, cupping my face. And all the while he nodded.

'Just, if it's not too much to ask, will you do me a favour please?'

His eyes snapped open and he looked at me curiously, 'Anything.'

'Please, don't break me anymore than I already am. So much has happened,' I was whispering my confessions at this stage and I wanted so much to just let go and for him to catch me; I was too desperate for my own good, 'And I'm so alone, I want....no, I _need_ for a little bit more happiness. Can you do that? It's a lot to ask, I promise I won't be disappointed if you can't and maybe I don't deserve it-I've messed up so much for myself already as well. But I'm greedy,' I chuckled, 'and I need to be selfish for me. I want to be happy. Will you help me? Try and give it to me?'

Edward looked at me for a few moments without uttering a word, then he leaned over and pressed his forehead against my own, as my hand slid down to his neck, 'Isabella Swan, I will give you anything and everything that I can. Just say the word.'

I nodded gratefully, 'And I'll give it back,' I promised.

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me_


	5. Authors Note

Guys I have to apologise for the lack of update, things have been just crazy here, I have a party on wednesday that's been taking up all my time to organise, and before that was school etc. In the middle of writing the 5th chapter if you're all interested?? I apologise again, you guys have been great!! The driving force through my laziness and late updates!!

Love you all and will post soon!:)


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